its legit.

Texas isn't home. Not really. Neither is Greensboro. Its hard to imagine any place as home. What is home? It feels natural to search for a person. I recognize thats a foolish desire. No person could ever fulfill and sustain me. I know. Still, I naturally feel the need to search for them. The unknown ideal.

I've grown up in faith. Jesus is my home, you say. Yes. I know.
You don't have to rescue me. I don't need to be.
Perhaps, greater, I don't want to be.
I never got to discover my faith. I never searched. Never needed to. It was handed to me from birth; prior to birth even. Like a gift.
Ive owned it. True. Ive experienced grace. Its mine; its legit.

But for now, Id like to wander. Not far. Just enough to feel the tightening of the bands.
I don't doubt. Thats different. Thats not me. I know what I believe, I will always know to be true. So don't be afraid when I don't want to follow you. I know what you'd do.
I know he's there.
I don't need to be rescued. Don't want to be.

I need to be lost for a while; to fall.
I need to break me.
I need to need him bad enough, that I will fall into him. Because for now, I don't want to. I don't want to give up control.

I still want to put my home in a person that Ive never met. A person who will sustain me. An ideal. A savior.

But haven't I already done that?