afloat

What happened to the days I had the time to organize, and reorganize my bedroom? How can life drift from complete boredom and leisure to the immersing emotion of being swallowed up with an eternal list of to-dos?
I find myself spending more and more time with the people I care little about and slowly drifting farther away from those I want most to hang on to. And when time could be found, I find myself too lazy or discouraged to pursue them. All the energy Ive spent on the excess people in my life has left me little to offer the ones I love most. I am influenced by these people without my consent.
I hear myself cuss.
I hear myself begin to talk about myself; following a similar pattern to those I hate listening to.
Gross.
Stop Taylor.
Just stop.
Im 17 and exhausted. When did life get this way? Im not even grown.
Will life always be this way, or am I trapped in the conventional standards of teen expectations placed on us by society?

Sometimes it doesn't feel real. Is this MY life?
Ive come to cope by taking things day by day, pausing only briefly to glance at my future. Perhaps thats where things have grown gray and blurred in my endless struggle to stay afloat. My direction gets scewed.

Maybe life is a game of cutting and pasting our priorities.
Or maybe we should just know.