hiding is happy

At first I felt like I was skipping school. Sitting here at home, I felt the familiar guilt for not feeling guilty about skipping out on my responsibility.
Then I realized, maybe this is one of the one times I shouldn't. These days are some of the last I will ever have to genuinely bum; to hard core do nothing. These idle moments, when I have the ability to wake up and beyond that give nothing of myself.
Its an unattractive thought. Its an unhealthy mindset, but all my good judgment and all my plans of productivity can't match the peace I feel in these lazy days.
I'm home alone.
I leave itunes up all day; engrossed in music.
I sit the lazy chair dead center in front of the television, my toes just reaching the buttons to navigate among our twenty-some channels. I conclude daytime tv is rough aside from Ellen.
Mia lounges on the cool tile of the hallway. I pass her on my hourly trips to the kitchen for further snacking supplies. Her tail wags.
I ruin spoon after spoon with hearty scoops of Nutella, and glass after glass with Arizona green tea.
And when I venture upstairs into my room and bathroom, the mess is stunning. One might describe it as debilitating, however on this lazy day I don't care. This mess is mine. I rearrange the clothes on my bathroom floor with my feet, and in all the repulsive glory of dirty laundry and tampon wrappers I can't stop a smile.
I have been blind-sighted with this love for what is solely mine. I understand life in a dorm will not afford me such selfish luxuries as my own filth.
I won't have the ability to hide it. I won't have a mom to eventually help me tackle it.
So in these last days of hiding from life's responsibility, I will revel in my irrational thinking.
I won't wear a shirt as I lounge about the house.
I'll come up with the first and middle names of my future children; two girls and a boy I decide.
I'll spend hours on flickr.com; searching things like "polaroids" or "Feist concert".
I'll listen to all four Tegan & Sara albums, and to Mia's horror I'll sing every word.
This is the calm before a huge storm;
Change.