defending the genius

I won't spend these days studying. Ill lie on my bed, with socked feet and listen to cars drive over the wet pavement of market st. Ill sit through bad television, anticipating the rape cases and murders stabler and benson of law & order svu will solve, secretly, but not so secretly wishing I were olivia benson. Ill reheat leftovers to keep from leaving camp, and gaze at the twinkle lights I stuck up with masking tape we borrowed from across the hall. (the ones I asked if we could buy. that jacob drove us to get, running, what turned out to be, an extremely expensive stop sign, saying bad words as blue lights circulated in the mirrors. when he tells me how expensive my request has become, that its stupid to call them twinkle lights, and Im once again found insufficient in defending the genius of you've got mail.)
Ill smile when I venture bra-less to the bathroom in the middle of the night, to find someone in the shower, the bathroom exploding with the sweet smells of shampoo, the familiar voices of lil wayne and ludacris echoing from cheap water-proof speakers.
Ill make you mixes I won't ever be brave enough to burn
and I might spend this night awake for no reason,
because sometimes thats what I do.
some days are just too comfortable to loose.
and tonight its only the twinkle lights keeping me company.

but goodness

sunday nights leave me wanting. weekends at home only remind me of my waiting.
waiting for change.
waiting maybe for someone Im too afraid to walk up to and say, 'I like you.' stupid waiting.
no more weekends at home.
but goodness its cozy...
nope, no more weekends at home.