profess

What happens when you really hurt someone you love?
You feel selfish.
And you feel gross.
And an overbearing anxiety.
And I think it hurts the most when they don't treat you any differently. Some superhuman ability to forgive despite the pain. They look you in the eye and all you can feel is this overwhelming blanket of adoration.
You want them to hate you. You want them to hurt you so you can feel some kind of atonement, of equality for your words.
You need to cry but you hold it back because that would make it too real.
You want to defend your anger; your lashing out. But in hindsight it doesn't justify the hurt you cause.

You were angry at the past of a person, at the pain they caused the ones you love.
The women you would die for; your Amy.
But you strike below the belt and attack a part of their character that is flawless. You dont think they'll ever know. You vent. You ignore the sacrifices. You forget the safety and love. You dont want to remember. It makes it too hard to miss. So you harden and profess apathy. You dont want to feel.
You see them as two different people.
You attack the wrong one.
Who could forgive your cruelty?
Could only a parent love through acute disappointment?